Tag Archives: Perfectionism

Making The Most Out Of It

Since I was a teenager I’ve condemned everything around me. In high school I hated my teachers, I hated some of my school mates, and I hated the school itself. Although I had a large group of friends and I had lots of fun, I couldn’t wait to graduate and leave that place to start fresh in another country. When I joined college the same thing happened. At first I was excited about the whole experience, but gradually I started to go back to criticizing my condition.

I don’t know why I do that; maybe it is the perfectionist in me that I am trying to get rid of. I’ve always wanted to be somewhere else, with other people, and living a “cooler” life. It doesn’t matter where I go or who I am with, I will be able to find a way to hate it. Maybe “hate” is a strong word, but I was not satisfied. I can’t say that I am 100% content with my life right now, but at least I am trying to adapt.

Currently I am in grad school to get my master’s degree and I am also involved in a startup company. I know that this is not exactly what I want to be doing right now, which is supposed to be studying psychology, but this is the only thing I can do. I don’t have a stable income that I can use to pay for four-years-of-private-college tuition fees. I am in a weird position; being a grad student and working on launching my friend’s company, it is kind of hard to explain to others your financial situation.

Sometimes before I go to sleep, I think about how I am not really living the life I wanted. But, I remember that I am simply stuck in this and things aren’t going to change any time soon, so why not make the most out of where I am right now? Why not get a master’s degree and work in the company until I make enough money to pursue my dreams? I think it’s okay since I am still 21. Our twenties is the time when we’re supposed to try different things and get to know ourselves better.

So, I promised myself not to say anything negative again about my current circumstances and just be grateful that at least I am doing something instead of being idle. Besides that I don’t have to give up on who I am and forget what I like to do. I can still write poetry and work on my first book along with doing all the other stuff. What I want to say is that if life forces us to temporary follow a different path we have to make the most out of it while staying true to ourselves and not forgetting who we are in the process.

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The Silent Deadly Critic

I’ve made a terrible discovery about myself not very few weeks ago. I am a bitter critic; unsympathetic and unmerciful critic!! How did I make this discovery? Well, I noticed a pattern in my thoughts regarding others. I tend to criticize the people I know harshly. Of course I do it silently inside my head, but that’s the worst part.

First before I talk about this issue I need to clarify a point. There’s a difference between criticizing and prejudging. I don’t prejudge people, like I don’t assume facts about them from how they look or how they talk. I always make the effort to know others myself and not rely on what I hear about them. But criticizing is pointing out the faults in others. Of course everyone has flaws and I talked about that in Chasing Perfection. Today I am not going to talk about accepting others flaws, but about how not to always bring it out.

When I criticize people what I basically do is concentrating on the bad things they did, their unpleasant habits, their poor choices, and so on. I know this sounds horrible and, as I’d like to say, inhumane. The reason why I didn’t know I am doing this appalling act is because I do it silently. I didn’t realize I was doing it until recently; maybe it’s entering adulthood which’s forcing me to become more mature and more aware of my thoughts and actions. Anyway, I am not in any position to judge other people’s decisions, choices, or actions. Why? Because I too have made the worst decisions and done many bad things and still have habits that I am trying to break, and it all affected my life greatly. So who am I to judge? Being a perfectionist is also a reason why I criticize 24/7.

You know now why I called it “silent” but why is it “deadly”? It’s deadly because concentrating too much on the bad things in someone makes you blinded and unable to see their unique amazing qualities. It also develops some form of mild hatred towards these people. All this affects your mental health negatively.

If this sounds familiar, then try the following to kill this lousy critic inside of you:
1. Give others a break: we all make mistakes, you and me included.
2. Put yourself in their shoes: try to imagine yourself in their situation. What are you going to do? How are you going to act?
3. Have some empathy: Try to understand what they are going through and why they’re doing what you’re criticizing.
4. Fix you’re own problems first: Before you look at other people’s fault, look in the mirror first. What are the things you need to work on? Write a list and you will be surprised.

I am currently applying these principles in my life in hopes of becoming less criticizing and more understanding. I hope this will be helpful for you too.

Wish you a peaceful happy life.
Cheers!

Chasing Perfection

Some of us are perfectionists. A perfectionist is someone who wants everything in his/her life to be perfect. Not just everything, but also everyone. Little do they know that they themselves aren’t perfect. Even if you tend to do everything in a seemingly flawless way, you can never make it perfect. We are human beings and that’s who we are; we make mistakes. Life itself isn’t perfect. Nothing is perfect.

Chasing perfection can only bring you misery. It can leave you disappointed in many situations, such as in work, relationships…etc. The reason for this is that you are looking for something that doesn’t exist. You are looking for faultless things or people. You are looking for an unreal life. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy or wanting to have great friends or to have the best house in the neighborhood, it’s just that you have to be realistic about it.

I have to admit that I was a perfectionist, a stubborn idealistic perfectionist. I would get mad if things didn’t go as I planned or someone doesn’t do things my way. I’d throw the “imperfect” people out of my life and look for someone who has it all. I’d leave a workgroup if they won’t follow my instructions or do what I suggest to them. And when I wouldn’t be able to get rid of those people or workmates, I’d keep it to myself and end up with accumulated anger inside me. Not healthy at all! It used to make me stressed and ready to blow up any second. I’d leave no room for negotiation. Even if I pretended to hear what people say, in the end I do what I want. I ended a friendship with someone and was about to do it again with another person for this reason. It affected me and my life generally.

The solution for my problem was learning how to be flexible and tolerate others. Things will not always go our way, and we have to be okay with it. We have to accept the little imperfections in our lives. And most importantly, we have to accept the flaws in other people. At the end of the day those “imperfections” and “flaws” are what makes our life different and what makes us special. I learned to listen to other people’s opinions and see what they have to offer. Maybe if I tried things their way it would be better this time. I learned to not get frustrated when certain situations don’t end up the way I planned or pictured in my head. I also learned to love people the way they are and accept the fact that they have flaws just like me. I don’t have to change them to fit my list of high expectations, because I wouldn’t want someone to compare me to a list either. I started to look at my own flaws and see what I can improve instead of criticizing others. All in all, it had good results. I don’t stress about every single detail in my life or my relationship with others around me anymore. I don’t have to pile anything inside me because now I listen and tell my honest opinion. But this doesn’t mean I don’t do my best at work, or let people treat me as a doormat. You have to work hard in your life to get what you want and look hard to find the people you want to be with. Just be realistic when you’re doing it, and accept the results.

Remember, we all make mistakes and we all have flaws. Life isn’t perfect and things won’t always go your way. But if you learned to accept things and people the way they are, you won’t end up being a miserable selfish lone. You will be happy and grateful. You will finally see your life as being perfect.