Yesterday I went shopping (which I usually do once in a year) and bought three colourful floral blouses and a nice pair of blue skinny denims. I picked them with the same sizes I used to wear last year. When I went home and tried them on, nothing was fitting. Yes, not a single item out of the four was my size! I gained weight, that I know. But I guess I was in denial.
I gained about 5 kilos (11 lbs) since last year. It was a slow and subtle process. I would gain a kilo and notice it, then I’d quickly lose it again. I was in control of my weight until four months ago. During that period, there was a gradual weight gain and no effort for losing it. Although most people didn’t seem to notice the change in my weight, it showed in clothes size.
I was pretty upset yesterday after trying the clothes on, I even cried. But after the feelings of sadness, anger, and disappointment faded away, I was happy to learn that these emotions weren’t out of hate towards my body. I was rather angry at myself that I don’t take care of my body and my health the way I used to. I was disappointed that I let myself go back to the old unhealthy habits. But, I didn’t feel like I hate my body although it’s not as thin as it used to be.
That’s the kind of mentality that I was trying to develop in my weight loss journey. Our bodies aren’t our enemies, they are ours. We have to stop bashing our bodies in front of the mirror. We have to love them and nourish them in order to become healthy and happy.